Some years ago, when my son was in his early teens, he was spending a large part of his free time playing video games.  As a father, I naturally wanted to do all I could to support him, but I also felt annoyed that he was spending (or wasting, I thought) so much of his time playing games.  I wanted him to be playing outside with his friends, although I realized he didn’t have too many of his friends living nearby, or doing his homework.  This annoyance created some distance between us, which also bothered me.   

In February of that year I the attended the ISTS (International Spiritual Training Seminar) in Hawaii and brought this matter up with Reverend Leslie Iwatani in a one-on-one consultation.  I expected that Reverend Iwatani would tell me to read some SNI book, or perhaps do the Prayer for Reconciliation, but instead he gave me some very practical advice: “Why don’t learn to play some PlayStation games and play with him?”  Well, even though this might have seemed like an obvious solution to someone else, it hit me as a pretty revolutionary idea.  I decided I would give it a try.

When I returned to Japan, I asked my son to show me how to play a racing game called Gran Turisumo.  He was a little surprised that I wanted to play with him, but also happy since it was hard to get his two sisters interested in playing video games.  Actually I was not very good at the game; my son beat me pretty badly almost every time.  But the idea of playing with him, instead of trying to get him to change his behavior to a way that I thought was better, made a huge difference in our relationship.  It communicated to him that I was on his side, instead being another authority figure that somehow disapproved of him. 

Since then, I always try to be on his side and I have found that he has excellent judgement and knows what he wants to do in his life and has the strength of character and self-motivation to accomplish it.  He knows he has the backing and support of his father and mother.  Even though most fathers have these feelings in their hearts, I have found it is necessary to demonstrate them and express them in words.  It means so much to a child to hear words of praise, approval and support from their parents.